Archive for October 2012

October 31st, 2012

This is Happening

In October of 2010, I gave in to a near-fatal case of writer’s block and stopped posting things on my blog. I couldn’t seem to get behind any of the ideas I had for rantings and ravings, and I figured my time with this medium had just run its course.

Then, three months ago, something happened that gave me no choice but to start writing again. We are talking opening TextEdit and letting 900 words worth of half-considered opinions and unchecked emotions pour out, before it even hit me: “I’m back at it.”

I’ve been writing quite a bit about this occurrence since mid-August, but I’ve held off on posting anything here because: a) I wanted to make sure this wasn’t some sort of vastly delayed swan song and rather that I was recommitted to my blog and b) the subject in question had to be kept secret at the time.

So I am going to continue writing, and I am going to continue posting things I’ve already written at regular intervals. At some point, I’ll burn through my backlog and I’ll be posting things as I finish writing them. The following was written, more-or-less, on 8/16:

Steph and I are pregnant.

I spent a great deal of time deciding how to word that sentence. In a more specific, more feeling-like-throwing-up-all-the-time-y way, it is just Steph who is pregnant. Some people correct you when you, as the man, say “we are pregnant” because obviously, as a man, you are not carrying a child. I will be around and going through this process in any way I can, though! (Blogging about it for your entertainment, to name a big one.) I guess I could have gone with “Steph is pregnant and I played and will continue to play a role in that!” But that’s pretty verbose. There is really no way to phrase the concept I am trying to express that pleases everyone. As a society, let’s work on that. Anyway, moving on….

Some people that we have told have asked if we were trying. My answer would be: sort of.

We did not make any behavioral changes, or consult any of the relevant graphs, calendars, nautical charts, etc. (If we had, I’m not sure that we’d be in the family way. I still remember the films from middle school and therefore, getting someone pregnant still feels like a wildly irresponsible thing to do. I mean, it’s just a few weeks ’til our high school graduation and Steph is the valedictorian with a bright future ahead of her. A baby would really screw that up! And what if I have to turn down my football scholarship to that big university? These kind of thoughts lead to bedroom-performance issues. Just sayin’.)

We have, however, known from the beginning that we both wanted kids. And so, we decided, in late May, that we were as ready as we were going to be. And then, we stopped trying to stop it, and it happened.

And thusly, a week-and-a-half later Steph felt like something unusual was going on, went out and bought a pregnancy test. She took it, and woke me up on a Thursday morning with the life-changing news. All a full week before she even missed her period. Her intuition was nothing short of amazing…and a bit maddening. Pregnancy Surprise #1 on what will most certainly be a running list of Pregnancy Surprises: keeping the fact that you are pregnant a secret is tortuous. I’d always heard you were supposed to wait ’til the second trimester to start telling people about your pregnancy. Never seemed like a big deal to me. Now I realize that this makes even normal, day-to-day interaction with people akin to having a marching band percussion section playing at full volume in your periphery while you are trying to defuse a bomb. To say it’s a distraction doesn’t begin to cover it. So don’t go figuring it out too early. In fact, if you can wait ’til the baby is actually emerging from the mother to realize that you are in the family way, it’s probably for the best.

Regardless, looks like it’s to be quite the nine months!

Except, check this out: this is not actually going to take nine months.

Yes, word on the street has always been: the mother-to-be finds out she’s pregnant, then nine months later, she gives birth to it. A quick Google search, however, will reveal that the initial due date they give you is actually the conclusion of a 40-week timeline.

I guess they just started throwing “nine months” out because it was good enough for people who weren’t having babies…and maybe for some who were. When you look at what is happening with this growing collection of cells that you set in to motion though, you notice that the development is broken-down week by week…and that there are 40 of said weeks. 10×4=40. So it’s really more like 10 months. 10 months for a baby to get made.

Only not really. Because the medical professionals are not counting the time from the fertilization of the egg to full fetal development. Instead, they are getting into a little time machine, traveling back before the couple in question were anywhere close to conceiving, to the day the woman began having her period, and starting the countdown then, while hopefully not leaving an ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page open on the man’s laptop, or altering the past in any other way that would prevent the couple from having sex two weeks later.

This is the means by which they give you a due date. The one they gave Steph, over the phone when she called to set up our first doctor’s appointment, is April 25, 2013. Nice to have I guess, but more than anything I’m wondering why anyone puts any stock in this “due date.” Why does anyone even bother to say a kid has come “early” or “late?” They are majorly ball-parking this thing.

I had no idea about all this. Pregnancy Surprise #2, people. Pregnancy Surprise #2.

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