Archive for December 2006

December 11th, 2006

In Between Days

SSSo howwwww’sssss everyone doing today?

Geezzz, sssssorry guysssss. Howww long do you think it will take me to get usssed to the extra wwweight on my ring finger?

Ok, typing like that will be way to hard to keep up. But seriously, it’s been almost two months now, and I am still not used to wearing this wedding band. Two months seems like plenty of time to get used to a piece of jewelry, doesn’t it? Then again, I seem to remember there was a year in college when everyone I knew got a tongue stud. (I think they all went together on a weekend when I went home to see my family.) All of the sudden, it became impossible to carry on a conversation with any of them. You’d walk up to them and ask them some college-y question, such as how that exam of theirs went, and they would just stare into space, mouth closed, jaw contorted and emitting a little “tick, tick, tick” noise. They were, of course, busy running their tongue studs along the insides of their teeth. This went on for an entire semester.

During this same period I had an earring. Yes, that’s singular. Guys, remember way back when one piercing, in your left ear, was fashionable? Then along came getting both ears pierced. Anyone with only one earring looked dated and silly. At least that’s what the people with holes in their tongues started telling me.

“Get the other ear pierced! (tick) Get the other pierced! (tick, tick)” they hounded me and hounded me, until finally…I just took the earring out altogether. And what happened shortly after? Male-ear-jewelry, as a whole, went out of fashion…. Something you should almost always ignore: peer review. That’s “peer revue” for you Kate…or, wait, is that a British spelling, or does that mean a bunch people your age are putting on a show? I guess it doesn’t matter. Both of these are about as useful as pier review, or even pier revue.

I have no idea how long it would have taken my friends to get accustomed to their tongue piercings, because the following semester those were gone too.

My earring days remain interesting to me though, because that sterling silver loop is the only extraneous adornment I’ve ever gotten used to having on. Outside of the necessary clothing, I don’t like wearing stuff. I don’t sport a watch or a bracelet, or a hat (the dead of winter being the exception). or a scarf or necklace. I put on my glasses only when I reluctantly admit to myself that I am lost because I have been unable to read any of the street signs on the way to an unfamiliar destination.

Particularly, though, I have a problem with things that get between my digits. I don’t know why, but I can’t stand this. For this reason, I cannot wear flip-flops. I’ll take mittens over gloves every time (or I would if I were still under the age of five). Also, I will never, ever put on a pair of thong underwear (and I’m sorry to shatter your dreams like this, Steph).

Rings, as you may have guessed, fall into this same part-separating category.

I probably shouldn’t be divulging this kind of information, but if you ever need to kidnap me and torture some vital matter of national security out of me, the way to get me to talk is to threaten to paper-cut me between my fingers and toes. You don’t even have to actually do it. Just say you are going to. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know. I nearly fainted just typing out the description.

Despite all this, however, I am committed to getting used to this ring. Honestly, I’d really like to get to the point where I can, well, ignore it…. Or “become one” with it. That is probably a better way to put it. I don’t want to be a wedding-band-fidgeter any more. You’ve seen them before. They are constantly spinning them on their finger and taking them off and putting them on other fingers…before you know it you’ve invented an entire storyline for the tension and uncertainty that is clearly plaguing this person’s seemingly happy marriage.

I don’t want to be that guy.

Of course, if you are that guy, I can totally sympathize. I’m sure your habits don’t come from your relationship being in trouble. Probably you’re just thinking about international terrorists. And what they might do to your precious, precious finger-webbing.

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