Archive for October 2004

October 31st, 2004

No Time to Form Sentences

I. Happy Halloween.

II. Did you remember to set your clocks back?
A. Isn’t gaining an hour great?
B. But aren’t you sad when it gets dark so early?

III. How about those Red Sox.

IV. Happy anniversary.
A. Five years.
1. That’s how long Steph and I have been together.
2. Half a decade.
B. But can you blame her?
1. I mean,
2. Look at me.

V. I hope everyone out there is planning on voting.
A. For Kerry….
B. Please God….

Sorry for the outline-format entry. There are lots of new links this week. Hopefully that makes it ok.

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October 26th, 2004

In All Fair-ness

I wouldn’t say I’m a huge fan of the State Fair. At least not to the extent of some. I know people who walk around weeks before, high-fiving each other, all “Hell yeah! State Fair, baby! Gotta getme a foot-long hot dog! Rides!?! Oh, HELL yeah! World’s smallest horse! You know it, baby!” (Speaking of which, this year I saw two different booths that claimed to have the world’s smallest horse. Obviously someone was lying. I can’t believe the hardworking men and women that run America’s freak shows would stoop to that level, but I guess everybody’s hurting these days.)

The fair, in my opinion, is ok. It’s something to do. It’s also crowded…crowded with many unsavory characters, like the one’s we used to see at the Wal-Mart in Greenville at two in the morning. And It’s expensive. And dirty. And noisy. And it smells bad.

That being said, I went with a group of hardcore fair-enthusiasts this year, and I had no choice but to surrender myself to the hype. I went to the petting zoo. I ate the fair food. I rode all the rides.

To me, one of the most interesting parts of the fair is finding out who likes rides and who likes to keep both feet planted firmly on the ground, saying things like “You know they put those up in like two days. Do you really think that’s safe?”

I belong to the first group. And, no, you can’t count going on the ferris wheel or the fun house and say you’re in group one, as well…I mean, you can, if you want, but you’ll be living a lie. I think we both know what I’m talking about when I say “the rides.”

When I was little, my siblings and I were very much in group two. Our family would go to the fair, walk down the midway, and my dad would point to something and say “Kids, want to try that?” We’d look up at whatever towering, squeaking, rattling monstrosity we were standing next to and make worried faces and shake our heads “no.” Dad never pushed the issue, probably because it saved him another $25 every time we skipped a ride. We spent most of our time looking at the state agency booths and the farm animals. One of our favorite fair activities was seeing how many free stickers we could collect and put on our shirts at once. I guess this kind of stuff would have sent most kids into shock with boredom but, as everyone likes to point out to me, we were weird children.

As I got older, friends began pressuring and prodding and physically dragging me onto rides. And I always gave in and got on. And I always made it through ok. And now, after years of this, I don’t think twice about it. Rides are fun. They’re an overpriced cheap thrill.

I’ll admit, though, there’s still some of that wary little boy in me. I’m certainly not the one jumping up-and-down in line (“Yeah! ‘The Zipper,’ baby! I can’t wait! Hell yeah!”). I just stare up at the people frantically spinning on horizontal, vertical, and diagonal axes, swinging back and forth, at what seems like an awfully high speed given all that rotating on axes. And when the people I’m with turn to me and exclaim “You ready for this!?!” I try to force out a reply at the same time I’m swallowing and I make this noise like “…aergh…” and everyone stops and looks at me cockeyed for a second, before returning to being madly in love with the ride we’re about to go on.

I went to the fair with my co-workers this year. As I said, there were many people in our group that love the fair. The second thing we did when we got in was start looking for rides to go on. The first thing we did was fill up on fair food. I pointed out that this is exactly what you’re not supposed to do, but the fair-humpers ignored me. They just seemed to feel this was a necessary part of the fair experience. It’s just not the North Carolina State Fair without stuffing yourself and then getting spun around really fast. Apparently.

So we ate and ate and ate and ate…and then went on “The Fireball’ and “The Tango” and “1001 Nachts” (What kind of name is that for a ride? What exactly is a “nacht?”) and two or three other amusements I forget the names of.

I didn’t actually get sick, but I did feel pretty funny at the end of the night.

I’d love to horrify all the Atkins-dieters out there by calculating the carbs in all the junk I ate and posting that number here, but I can’t find most of the things I consumed on any of the carb-counting food charts. Of course, I don’t know that cotton candy or fried dough, technically, count as food.

I also ate a deep-fried Snickers this year. I’ve been curious about them for a while now and the temptation finally became too strong to resist. It was actually less greasy and filling than what I expected. I couldn’t eat one everyday or anything, but I was anticipating something far worse.

In related news, I expect to have clear arteries again some time in 2007, and I’m really looking forward to it.

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October 11th, 2004

B. Back Next Week

So I’d just like to cite the site as a prime example of how I’m staying on top of things lately. I’ve posted something new once a week for six whole weeks now.

I have to confess, I’m pretty surprised. I thought I’d lose interest and move on to something else immediately after that re-design was over. I wanted to make regular updates. I just didn’t think I was actually going to.

Now it will be hard to stop. When I do, the nagging will start. Even worse than before (when I had the same thing up for an entire year, never touching it): “How come you don’t do anything with your site anymore?” “You were doing so good there…for a while.” “When are you going to change your site? I look at it all the time and it never changes.” It’s all I’ll hear. And finally I’ll just have to say: “Mom, get off my back. Stop trying to run my life.”

Just to let you know, I’m leaving for a trip to the frozen North tomorrow, but I’ll catch up with you sometime next week. I promise.

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